lost and found

在回家的公車上,突然有種感覺:覺得迷失(lost),好像有什麼掉了。但沒辦法確切說出來,為什麼我會這樣感覺。
On the bus ride home, I suddenly felt so lost. But I couldn’t be specific of why I felt what I felt.
於是我開始胡思亂想:「我覺得很迷失,是哪一種樣子的『lost』 呢?」
So I started wondering, “Hmm, I am feeling so lost, but what is this ‘lost’”?

是像 —— 「喔!我的球掉了!」那樣的「lost」嗎?我失去了某種具體的、物質的東西,我只要把它拿回來就可以。
I am lost, as in, “oh, I lost my ball!”? – I lost some physical stuff, and what I need to do is to get it back.

還是像 —— 「喔,我失去平衡了!」那樣的嗎?我失衡了,我需要重新找到自己的平衡。
Or, as in “oh, I lost my balance!”? Then I’ll need to regain it. Back to the “normal” life and the “normal” me

心碎的時候,心裡空空的,也會覺得好像失去了什麼。
覺得自己有所破損、而不完整的迷失。
When my heart’s broken, I also feel lost. Like, something’s missing in there.
This is the kind of “lost” that I feel I’m incomplete and broken as a person.

有的時候,是回過頭來才明白當時為何感覺迷失 —— 因為我出外探險了;我在我的舒適圈外。
做一些以前沒試過的嘗試,或是面對從來沒正視的情緒。

There’s another kind of lost that I often realize afterward, in reflection. I realize I was “lost” because I was out exploring. I went out of my comfort zone.
It could mean I was doing things I’ve never done before, or I was facing the emotions I’ve never faced before.

這並不舒服,不像撿起地上的球一樣簡單;但我並沒有破損。

我失去了平衡,卻不只是回到「原本的平衡」—— 我變得更大了:以前所不能容納的,現在是我的一部分。

有時候,迷失 ⋯⋯ 找到,讓人變得更大。

It was uncomfortable. It was not as easy as retrieving a dropped ball. But I was neither broken nor incomplete.
I was out of balance, but I didn’t just go back to the original “balanced” me. I became bigger. The things that weren’t in my comfort zone, have become part of me.
Sometimes, you become bigger, when you have lost …. and found.

About The Author

soidid

Leave a Reply

* 1) 提問前請先閱讀「關於」。2) 送出後,如果你的留言沒有正常出現,可能是被系統誤判為 spam;麻煩來信 hi@soidid.tw,我會盡快處理 🌵。