不知道的樣子 | The shape of I-don’t-know

你說你不知道,你恐慌。

像是矇著眼睛走獨木橋,不知道該知道的。
如果能找到眼罩在哪裡,拿下來就能看到所有的答案。

You said that you’re panic because you don’t know. It’s terrifying because…

“ I don’t know “ is like walking on a single-plank bridge blindfolded.
I do not know what I should have known. I do not know what I could have known. If only I could just find a way to take off the blindfold, I would have all the answers.

Continue reading “不知道的樣子 | The shape of I-don’t-know”

感覺迷失的時候 —— lost and found

在回家的公車上,突然有種感覺:覺得迷失(lost),好像有什麼掉了。但沒辦法確切說出來,為什麼我會這樣感覺。
On the bus ride home, I suddenly felt so lost. But I couldn’t be specific of why I felt what I felt.
於是我開始胡思亂想:「我覺得很迷失,是哪一種樣子的『lost』 呢?」
So I started wondering, “Hmm, I am feeling so lost, but what is this ‘lost’”?
Continue reading “感覺迷失的時候 —— lost and found”

感覺色票|Feeling swatches

感覺色票
Feeling swatche
有時候我覺得,感覺像是一張張色票;當我們越經驗人生,收集的顏色就越多。
Feelings are like swatches. The more we experience life, the more colors we collect.
有輕快的,也有沈重的。而空白處,就是我們還無法理解的。
Light colors, dark colors, and the ones that we don’t understand (yet).
Continue reading “感覺色票|Feeling swatches”

自私 vs 無私:相反詞的五種樣子

自私 vs 無私:相反詞的五種樣子
Selfish vs Selfless: 5 relations of the opposites
H 有一個夢想,是獨自踏上三個月以上的單車之旅。我說:「嗯,很好啊!我支持你。去吧!」
H has a dream – to go on a bike trip for three months alone. “That’s nice. Go for it. I’ll support you,” I said.
「可是這樣難得的假期就不能用來見面了。」H 說。
“But then we won’t be able to meet, as I have limited holidays,” said H.
Continue reading “自私 vs 無私:相反詞的五種樣子”

On Time

[On Time]

Time, a limitation for us,
is something we often want to skip, fast-forward
in order to be somewhere, to have something,
or to become someone.

But maybe, time is God’s stereo sound system,
retina screen, IMAX, or VR.
We have the above devices to indulge ourselves
in all kinds of sensory enjoyment.
And through time, God indulges a craving for feelings.

God wants to spend years loving someone, losing someone,
feeling excitements, love, and sadness.
God wants to spend years experiencing being proud,
lonely, anxious, and happy.

No two emotions are exactly the same.
Various causes and interpretations create differences.
Maybe God wants to explore all the possibilities and nuances
that could ever be,
just as we want to see movies with higher pixel density.

Time adds weight to feelings,
or feelings can only grow within time.
Time create a space for things to happen,
and for feelings to flow and be.

We wish time to stop so we can have something forever.
But God would probably wish for a flowing time
so that everything can come into existence.

 

 

[而時間是]

在我與我想去的地方
和想成為的人之間
是時間。
想跳轉、想得到,在
一瞬之間

而也許
那些我想跳過的
正是我所不想跳過的

如果我是神。

而時間是神的環繞音響、
Retina螢幕、IMAX、和VR。

我們用所有的高科技讓感官沈溺其中
享受著虛擬的真實

而神用時間
浸泡自己在感覺之中
一次一口

我們追求感官的極限 ——
看見、聽見、觸碰到的那些;
而神的感官是情緒、情感、
觸動妳的那些。

時間是我們的障礙與限制
卻是神的唯一豐盛

神想要花時間 ——
因為有些感受
只在時間之中顯的明白。

神想花許多年的時間愛一個人、
失去一個人
感受那興奮、溫柔、和悲傷。
神想在時間中
驕傲、寂寞、
焦慮和快樂。

快樂有很多種,一如悲傷。
相近的感受在細微之處不同
而並不相同
也許神想要很長很長的時間
好感覺那每一種變異
如我們渴望很高很高的解析度
好看清楚每一個pixel。

時間增添了感覺的重量,
或感覺只在時間中成長。
時間創造了事件發生的空間,
讓感覺流動其中。

有時候,
我們希望時間停止
好永遠擁有

而神願望的也許恰恰相反:
神想要
時間永遠流動

致使所有可能
都可能。

 

kiss with love

[kiss with love]

I might have kissed you with love, or
when feeling the love around us, I kissed you, or rather,
when kissing you, I felt the love flowing in between.

 

[親]

我想我可能是
給了妳一個溫柔的吻,或者
當我感覺到溫柔圍繞著我們,感覺著、
吻了妳。或者
當我向你靠近,吻妳的一刻,
溫柔流動。

the part of me relating to you

[ the part of me relating to you ]

but it’s still living as an organic being does.
it’s mysterious, and
not fully revealed even to myself.

I can never see the whole picture
but to feel how it is
through emotions coming out of it.

it has now become soft, sentimental,
and warm.
easily melt into tears,
but not because of sorrow.
(not anymore)
like a secret garden thriving in another dimension
that we may call “heart”.

 

[我心中與你相關的部分]

但它仍然活著,像有機體一樣
擁有著生命
即便是對我而言
都是未解的神秘
未揭曉的謎

是我而又不是我

我看不見整體
而只能
感覺它的感覺

現在
它變得柔軟、溫暖
而有一點點多愁善感

一不小心就融化成眼淚
卻不悲傷(不再是悲傷的眼淚)

像茁壯在另一個維度的花朵

一個難以描述的維度
有時候模糊稱之為

 

 

I will lose them soon but they will never get lost

[I will lose them soon but they will never get lost]

I will lose them soon
but they will never get lost
neither nor disappear

they have been,
and always will be there,
– most of our feelings.

on a bizarre chance, I might find them lining up in order,
as the clothes in a wardrobe.
vivid and clear,
as if I have just experienced them.

so unexpected and in a twinkling,
that it becomes a dream you don’t remember
– most of our feelings.

but a subtle and warm feeling come through me,
just whenever I think about you.
that I have never lost, despite however long it has been
since the last time it was explicitly shown
in this physical world
– the feeling that I know I will never lose

thank you.

 

 

[我將失去的永不遺失]

它們正在離開我
但並不會遺失
也不會消失

它們曾在那裡
而且會一直在那裡
—— 我們大多數的感覺啊

在一個奇異的瞬間
我也許看見它們排串列成了秩序
像衣服在衣櫃裡排隊
清楚而明白
如昨日的照面

而在另一個出乎意料的瞬間
卻成了想不起來的夢
—— 我們大多數的感覺啊

跟血管說哈囉的總是一股溫暖
在我想起你的時候
「喂,是我。」
是不用名字的熟識。

我們還沒有失去聯繫、
我還能感覺
儘管物理世界已謝幕許久
—— 我知道,那是我不會失去的感覺

謝謝。