不知道的樣子 | The shape of I-don’t-know

你說你不知道,你恐慌。

像是矇著眼睛走獨木橋,不知道該知道的。
如果能找到眼罩在哪裡,拿下來就能看到所有的答案。

You said that you’re panic because you don’t know. It’s terrifying because…

“ I don’t know “ is like walking on a single-plank bridge blindfolded.
I do not know what I should have known. I do not know what I could have known. If only I could just find a way to take off the blindfold, I would have all the answers.

Continue reading “不知道的樣子 | The shape of I-don’t-know”

感覺迷失的時候 —— lost and found

在回家的公車上,突然有種感覺:覺得迷失(lost),好像有什麼掉了。但沒辦法確切說出來,為什麼我會這樣感覺。

On the bus ride home, I suddenly felt so lost. But I couldn’t be specific of why I felt what I felt.

於是我開始胡思亂想:「我覺得很迷失,是哪一種樣子的『lost』 呢?」

So I started to wonder, “Hmm, I am feeling so lost, but what is this ‘lost’”?
Continue reading “感覺迷失的時候 —— lost and found”

On Time

(中文在後)

[ On Time ]

Time, a limitation for us,
is something we often want to skip, fast-forward
in order to be somewhere, to have something,
or to become someone.

But maybe, time is God’s stereo sound system,
retina screen, IMAX, or VR.
We have the above devices to indulge ourselves
in all kinds of sensory enjoyment.
And through time, God indulges a craving for feelings.

God wants to spend years loving someone, losing someone,
feeling excitements, love, and sadness.
God wants to spend years experiencing being proud,
lonely, anxious, and happy.

No two emotions are exactly the same.
Various causes and interpretations create differences.
Maybe God wants to explore all the possibilities and nuances
that could ever be,
just as we want to see movies with higher pixel density.

Time adds weight to feelings,
or feelings can only grow within time.
Time create a space for things to happen,
and for feelings to flow and be.

We wish time to stop so we can have something forever.
But God would probably wish for a flowing time
so that everything can come into existence.

[ 時間 ]

在我與我想去的地方
和想成為的人之間
是時間。
想跳轉、想得到,在
一瞬之間

而也許
那些我想跳過的
正是神所不想跳過的

時間或許是神的環繞音響、
Retina 螢幕、IMAX、和VR。

我們發展各式影音娛樂設備
好體驗極致的感官享受

神在時間之中
體驗那去感覺的極致渴望

我們追求感官的極限 ——
看見、聽見、觸碰到的那些;
而神追求的感官極限是情緒、情感 ——
觸動妳心的那些。

時間是我們的障礙與限制
卻是神的唯一豐盛

神想要花時間 ——
因為有些感受
只在時間之中顯的明白。

神想花許多年的時間愛一個人、
失去一個人
感受那興奮、溫柔、和悲傷。
神想在時間中
驕傲、寂寞、
焦慮和快樂。

快樂有很多種,一如悲傷。
相近的感受在細微之處不同
而並不相同
也許神想要很長很長的時間
好感覺那每一種變異
如我們渴望很高很高的解析度
好看清楚每一個 pixel。

時間增添了感覺的重量,
或感覺只能在時間中開展。
時間創造了事件發生的空間,
讓感覺流動其中。

有時候,
我們希望時間停止
好永遠擁有

而神願望的也許恰恰相反:
神想要
時間永遠流動

致使所有可能
都可能。

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the part of me relating to you

[ the part of me relating to you ]

but it’s still living as an organic being does.
it’s mysterious, and
not fully revealed even to myself.

I can never see the whole picture
but to feel how it is
through emotions coming out of it.

it has now become soft, sentimental,
and warm.
easily melt into tears,
but not because of sorrow.
(not anymore)
like a secret garden thriving in another dimension
that we may call “heart”.

I will lose them soon but they will never get lost

[I will lose them soon but they will never get lost]

I will lose them soon
but they will never get lost
neither nor disappear

they have been,
and always will be there,
– most of our feelings.

on a bizarre chance, I might find them lining up in order,
as the clothes in a wardrobe.
vivid and clear,
as if I have just experienced them.

so unexpected and in a twinkling,
that it becomes a dream you don’t remember
– most of our feelings.

but a subtle and warm feeling come through me,
just whenever I think about you.
that I have never lost, despite however long it has been
since the last time it was explicitly shown
in this physical world
– the feeling that I know I will never lose

thank you.